A Play About An Angry Girl and A Boy Who Once Was                  

(The scene takes place basically anywhere that is defined as a lunch area. Two people meet. They both are fairly attractive people. It is not extremely important, but they have to at least be decent and bearable to look at. The boy is sitting there reading a book and eating his lunch with a smile on his face. A huge enormous smile in fact. The girl walks over, shes got a devious look on her face as if she knows something that is about to be splurged into this lunch time assembly of the two. )

Narrator: This is a play about an angry girl and a boy who once was. The girl is a semi-happy, always smiling, hair dying, theater loving, angry poetry writing, pre adult, looking for love in all the wrong places, woman, waiting to be rescued. The boy is a long haired, sometimes smiling, culture loving, comic book reading, crazy drawing, fun loving , guy, waiting for something he is not quite sure of, but thinks he is. The two are friends because they have much in common. For example, Boy, thinks Mt. Dew is the nectar of all existence, Girl joins him by agreeing. But, they are also friends because they disagree on many things as well. For example, Boy, doesnt believe in wearing deodorant. No, Im only joking, deodorant is a modern day amazement, and I think we all agree on its well being in this society. Honestly they do disagree, for that is what their friendship is based on. Arguing. Boy, believes that Man of Lamancha is the greatest musical of all time. Girl believes that Grease is. Frankly, I think that they are both revolting, and should never be permitted to corrupt the minds of young theater goers ever again. What I am trying to get at is that, they are fairly good friends, sometimes better than other times. They love talking to each other, and relish in the way one responds to the other. They were miserable together, because they were alone, together, and that meant something..... I think.

Here is the story between the two star crossed friends. Girl saw Boy from afar, and made it a point to become Boys friend, in the future. After accomplishing this task, Girl began to fall for guy. Not only because girl was lacking love and hoped that he would be something more than all the other, half witted, nose picking, shit for brains assholes, but also because he was a truly wonderful person. Boy, may have known this , may have been oblivious, or may have even chosen to subconsciously suppress this information, but even with all three given possibilities, Girl and Boy, never knew how one felt about the other. It didnt matter though because it was apparent that both were alone, bitter, and loved to share their misery with each other. It was a sick twisted ritual that allowed them to vent. Girls venting, led her to realize that, Boys love for another was as pathetic as her love for him, so she regressed and began to feel almost nothing for Boy, once again. Notice, how I said almost. Well, because I am the narrator that implies that I am all knowing. So it is my duty to tell you that, the only way to get over someone is to fancy another. Whether you will attest to this or not is solely up to you, but in my vast array of experiences I find this to be true. Boy got over his past love with new girl. Girl pretended to be over past love with occupation of other ideas and new hobbies. So enough with my rambling, the scene is about to begin, between the Girl who is angry and the boy who once was.

Boy: Hello my love.

Girl: Perky?

Boy: Obvious?

Girl: Could it be written more bluntly in your smile?

Boy: Are we going to play the answer in questions game today?

Girl: Are you going to be happy for all of lunch?

Boy: Maybe

Girl: Then maybe.

Boy: Ahah, no more questions.

Girl: Yes, yes youve got me. You intelligent little thing you. I see youve begun to think on you own, congratulations!

Boy: Yes, I am proud of my thinking capabilities. I have been trying to get out of the line of conformity for quite some time now. By the way, does this tie match my Hawaiian shirt?

Girl: You are devastatingly handsome.

Boy: Im rouging at my cheeks, among other places.

Girl: You flatter me.

Boy: And you, me.

Girl: So, rumor has it, you have snatched yourself a pretty little princess to be your girl friend.

Boy: Define Girlfriend.

Girl: It depends. But sometimes it involves a "hi will you go out with me " and her responding with a "yes"or a lotta dates, or it just happens. Oh, and, of course, there is always the, "hey lets make out and create babies in the bathroom stall and then you start to like it." type.

Boy: Its the first because we have not been out officially.

Girl: (happy for him) Oh, well....(thinks for a second) Please tell me she is not a freshman.

Boy: Sophomore.

Girl: Is that the one who was hanging around you after school?

Boy: When?Narrator: Like he has more than one

.Girl: On Tuesday, I was there for about five minutes and thought "damn you are a pimp." She was all over you like a fat guy at a buffet.

Boy: (laughs) That was probably her. Did she have blonde hair a little longer than mine?

Girl: Is her name Sarah?

Boy: Thats the one.

Girl: Whats her last name.

Boy: Finkle

Girl: So shes what 15?

Boy: I know Im basically rocking the cradle, but at least she's one terrific baby.

Girl: Eww and flattering at the same time. So, did you ask her out on a date and you havent gone yet, or did it just kinda like happen?

Boy: I asked her out on a date, but a friend was having a bad day so we had to cancel.

Girl: Yeah, I heard, that really blows.

Boy: Majorly, so I had to play "good friend" for once.

Girl: For once? Thats hard to believe.

Boy: We're dicks to each other. It's what fuels the relationship.

Girl: I dont get why boys are like that, it makes no sense to meBoy: Its not supposed to make sense, it just sorta happens.

Girl: Boys are so ridiculous, if a girl is mean to another girl, thats a sign of hatred. But nooo boys being mean to boys is them saying "I love you man, I just cant say it cause it will make my penis smaller."

Boy: You'll never hear me say otherwise. We're bloody silly, disgusting, and it's amazing your half put up with us for as long as you have. But I have to say, in self defense that I am pretty affectionate with most of my friends, its just some guys respond the best to assholishness.

Narrator: These two are great at getting off topic. Lets get back to the point shall we? The point being misery. The act of being unhappy.

Girl: So, when did this whole Sarah thing come about... recently or like gradually? I get excited when people like other people and it works out... sad, I suppose, vicariously living through others, but, none the less nice to hear

Boy: You like a, thus far, happy story, nothing wrong with that.

Girl: Yes, nothing wrong with that I guess. Considering, thus far, I have been proven to be asexual, much like the species of the worm, I will procreate on my own.

Boy:.Until now, I've been asexual, momma. You'll find it, you're too amazing not to.

Girl: I look in the mirror and tell myself that every day, ( pause) then the mirror image of me laughs and just walks away.

Boy: That's because you're saying it to yourself and not to anyone else.

Girl: Ill just tattoo it onto my bare chest and that will catch me a winner. Sure, why not? nothing else works, at least it will provide humor for people. Ill just be a walking joke(bitterly) HA Ha. My life has meaning now "yippy skippy."

Boy: ( laughs) I laugh at your misery.

Girl: At least I know its working. Hey, the more miserable I become, the better I will write, so I, in turn , laugh at you my friend, for your happiness will hinder you. ( mockingly but still jokingly) HA... HA... HA... Sip that up with a straw and slurp it.

Boy: ( laughs) It's true...lotsa good stuff comes from a shitty life.

Girl: I try to write when Im like insanely happy and I just cant do it. Instead Ill just be miserable. Im sure that will be efficient for life.

Boy: Your entire, life, in fact!

Girl: Yes... Yes

Boy: Which, if you live like that, won't be much longer.

Girl: Good, good, but death is like an orgasm so im lookin forward to it

Boy: Jerk!

Narrator: Girl said, death is like an orgasm, not because she really believes that but because in a past conversation between the two, Boy once stated that death may be like an orgasm, but we will never know, until we try it. Death is the act of being dead.

Girl: So, where are you taking this lovely baby ?

Boy: First date, we're just gonna hang, probably rent Silence of the Lambs, since neither of us have seen it, and "cuddling" is a pleasant hobby we share.

Girl: Cuddling, now thats so cute I might vomit! (Boy laughs) You are a good hugger, Ill admit that.

Boy: You've seen my stuffed animal collection, I'm primed!

Narrator: Stuffed animal, the cotton filled dolls that Boy cuddles with every night.

Girl: Yeah I have a lot of stuffed animals too, Im just waiting for a human being to join in on the fun.Narrator: That is another thing they have in common.

 Girl: Shes a lucky lady but wont "cock lovin Sebastian" get a little jealous?

Boy: I'll always have a special place for Loves The Cock Sabastian. Note the witty double meaning!

Narrator: Loves the Cock Sebastian, a crab that loves cock, and physically appears that hes is dependent upon it, due to the positioning of his mouth like this. ( motions blow job wide mouth)

Girl: Everyone is leaving the kingdom of Asexuality , it looks like I'm gonna be Queen of a very barren, full of masturbation, empire. This blows, but not literally.

Boy: If it makes you feel any better, I'm still a one-handed man.

Girl: It does in an "I shouldnt laugh about that" sorta way. You know. I used to be in the bitter and alone club, but someone else founded it, so I had to get out of it because of principle.

Boy: Thats funny in a "I shouldnt laugh at your pathetic-ness" sorta way.

Girl: Did you by any chance get to see the Drama show yesterday?

Boy: No, I was hanging out with Sarah.

Girl: Well, shock me shock me shock me. Anyway, it was decent.

Boy: Really, half the time, those pretentious elitist, dont even understand the words they are using.

Girl: Well, we all cant be as learned and well read as you, now can we?

Boy: I guess not.

Girl: The most entertaining part was when Butch.

Narrator ( cuts her off) Butch is not the real name of the person Girl is currently about to mock, it is, in fact, Elise.

Girl: Started to sing a Frank Sinatra song.

Boy: Oh, please tell me your kidding. Thats sacrilegious.

Girl: I kid you not my friend. It hurt right here ( points to her heart) to watch her destroy New York, New York, like that. She is quite the beast.

Boy:. Shouldn't she have graduated eight years ago?

Girl: No, she hasnt been able to pass class since she took up that night job as a cross dresser.

Boy: She's hairier than I am! It's depressing!

Girl: She is hot! You want her to have your children.Narrator: Children: pest like creatures that ask for things and give nothing in return.

Boy: No thanks. I now have a specified person to dream about, I don't want to mentally neuter myself and lose all forms of sensual thought, because I began to think of that wild mammoth beast.

Girl: Shes so gonna pop into your dream and turn it into a raging nightmare. Sarahs face will systematically turn into hers.

Boy: ( jokingly gets up to leave) I'm going to go cry now.

Girl: So much for happiness.

Boy: You're just angry that I left the Happy Hands Club!

Girl: FUCK YOU! Hows that for angry?

Boy: It works.

Girl: Well, no body likes me , everybody hates me, I guess ill go...

Boy: Eat worms?

Girl: Masturbate... duh. God im such a boy ( Boy laughs) No wonder boys arent interested, theyd have to be gay to like me.

Boy: It's okay, I'm a pansy.

Girl: So, if we ever get married, I can wear the pants and beat you , like men are supposed to beat their wives of course, and you can take it and give me head, what women were meant for.

Boy: Just so long as I can bake for you.

Girl: Yes, and do the dishes, and then have sex whenever. ( pauses) O God. I am such a terrible person. Maybe I should think before I speak.

Boy: You rarely have to think when you're speaking to me. I'm a tad insulted you don't know that by now.

Girl: Yes, thats what I was about to say.Boy: Sure. ( Nudges her)

Girl: I couldnt say this stuff to many people. Thats why I enjoy you. You appreciate my utter disregard for morals. Thank you

Boy: Any time.

Girl: But now that you have left the asexual club, I just dont know, I just dont know.

Boy: I know, non-asexuality is a bit of a turn off.

Girl: It is a turn off. You and your... " Oooh Im cute, Im a catch, someone date me, Ill treat you well, " what is that crap? Cant you just stop being charming for like 1 second and worry about my needs?

Boy: Do you want me to be a prick, then?

Girl: You do that all to well any way. But thats why we get along so incredibly well.

Boy: It gives me something to do during school.

Girl: ( sighs) Yes, I just drool on my desk.

Boy: Now, that is a good way to attract the boys.

Narrator: This encounter is nearly over, because someone soon will be coming in and breaking the two friends apart. ( becomes Sarah) Of course I knew this would happen. But its disheartening that she did not.

Girl: ( sincere) So you are happy?

Boy: Yes, I am very happy. She makes me ecstatic.

Girl: Wow, I cant believe Im saying this out loud, but Im happy your happy. You definitely deserve it.

Boy: Dont worry, Ill still be here, during lunch and well be able to do this all the time. I promise.

Girl: You, lie.

Boy: I do not.

Girl: So you are telling me if Sarah came to you right now and asked you to go eat with her youd say no ? ( Narrator as Sarah is now walking up to be right behind him)

Boy: ( he sees her)Well, I ....

Girl: I hate you, just go.

Boy: ( He walks to Sarah and Shouting as if further away) And I LOOOVE YOU. Girl: ( shouting in the same manner) You are one lucky girl, and if you ever do anything to hurt him, I have a shovel and I know where you live. No one will miss you. I promise.

Boy: ( aside to Sarah) Shes just kidding.

Girl: (shouting) No I am not!

Narrator: ( As Narrator) That was it. It wasnt that she was never going to see him again. It was more like she was going to see him a lot less. He had finally found a little bit of sunshine to part through the clouds. And she, well, she was still trapped on top of a rainbow somewhere looking for gold, but was finding little Leprechauns instead. Bad metaphor, but I didnt write it, Im just the narrator. So life moved on, because it always does. And that is the story of the girl, who is, still, currently annoyed at the world, and the boy who is too, but isnt angry any more because he found someone who makes him happy.